Tim McGraw

This song makes me feel that its about a relationship that is short lived. The kind of a relationship that you know its not going to work but still you went ahead with it. Its not that you got into big fights or third party involved that you have to part ways. I feel like its the relationship that is never meant to be but you just have to have it. With that introduction, I could think of a few relationships I had that fall into that category. And the most that stands out is the one I could say I regreted the most.

You could say that he was not my type at all but very special none the less. Very different indeed because I had a lot of growing up done during this time. I think this is when I really had a hard time accepting the commitment I have to make and sacrifices I have do to make this relationship work. For me its a reality check that somehow made me grasp the intensity of a committed relationship. In short, this is the one relationship that started me to take serious look at where I am heading. Starts to shape me for who I am today.

We were introduced by a mutual friend. I didn't notice him at first because I had an eye on somebody else at that time. But then again, most relationships starts like that isn't it? So you can say we became friends. Talked on the phone for hours. Managed to exchange love notes on top of both our busy schedules. And I loved him for that. He is not afraid to express his feelings. You would think that romance and courtship is dead but he kept them alive. He was very sweet, always had a smile for me. You know when you have that close friend to whom you can talk about anything. No restrictions. No inhibitions. He is that one for me. I have never felt like that with anyone.

But I guess, everything nice always have the bad side. I always thought that a smooth sailing relationship is always headed for a wreckage. I don't want to be the one to pick up the pieces so I run as fast away as possible. Too expensive to bet on my emotions and feelings, I thought it saved me the trouble. But it only brought me guilt and endless regret. A lot of what ifs hang in the balance and made me carry excess baggage until now.

Eons past... we finally got in contact again. I quickly found out that he is still my "close" friend that I can easily talk to about anything. The only difference now is that we are both committed to someone else. Don't get me wrong but we are both happy, at least on my part. It doesn't change the fact that we are still friends. The topic of our conversations now revolves around our own family. Memories we made. The life we both choose to make. And the path that we both took. Atleast now, I can say I have no regrets.

You Belong With Me

You Belong With Me is a song about loving a boy from afar. A story about getting ignored by the one you love. For me, its simply disregarding my feelings about my commitment to our relationship. Perhaps I was mistaken. Perhaps I did not give him a chance. Maybe we just did misunderstood each other. But its all gone now. Everything is part of the past now. Let us start from the beginning to make things clear.

We met in a perfect time. We both had a stable job. We both were at that age. And we both were single. It was really a perfect timing for us. I could say that we were a perfect match then. I really thought that I would someday marry this guy. Not necessarily that time but eventually. Given a couple of years together and we would end up getting married anyway. Because it was the time when I thought I did met "the guy".

Been here all along so why can't you see?

You belong with me...

I have to admit, we had a great time though. We had a lot of fun. We shared precious memories. Got to know each other's family by attending happy family gatherings, even the sad ones. Talked about our plans in the future which I thought I was a part of. And of course reminiscence of the old times.

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night

I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry

I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams

Think I know where you belong...

Think I know its with me.

But I think, like most of my other relationships, this ended without any reason whatsoever. All of a sudden, there were no communications. I was waiting for him to make the first move. He probably was waiting for me to make the first move. Before you know it... days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. And so it goes.

Standing by or waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know baby

You belong with me...

You belong with me.

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe

You belong with me...

You belong with me!

I never got a chance to ask him whatever happen to us. I never got a chance to ask him if he ever thought I could be the one for him. I never got the chance to know. Perhaps I will never know.

Our Song

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart

There goes the first stanza of the song. I could only picture one person that describe these first few lines of the song. But then, the next chorus line goes...

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin’ out late, tapping on your window
When we’re on the phone and you talk real slow
‘Cause it’s late and your mama don’t know

Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn’t kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, ‘fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

The whole scenario changed for me here and only remember one person who is a perfect fit for those lines. A perfect person who has been a part of my life and part of my most unforgettable experiences. We went through a lot of trials in our relationship and literally weathered storms but it was not enough to keep us together. I guess what we had was what you can call... growing apart.
We met during the time when I was not actually looking for a relationship. Just having those moments where I am not ready for a commitment. Just looking for some fun and some "me" time. Like I always believed now, it is not a good idea to gamble when it comes to your heart. A game you can not assure it would go your way. I ended up giving him my all. I gave him my heart in a silver platter... ended up wanting more from him but it was too early for that. I have to admit, I had no idea where it will lead me into but at the back of my mind, I thought it was going somewhere it was suppose to be going. But it was too fast! For me. And I guess for him as well.
He was the first boy I introduced to my family, which means a lot to me. He was the first one who introduced me to his family. And there are many more firsts that comes after that. Like the storm, there are a lot going on with our relationship that I felt like we were together for a very long time. Like we were old couples. He made me feel that we will be together forever and that nothing will keep us apart. I felt very happy and content. That nothing in this world will ruin our bond. But somewhere along that joy, my patience was tested and been questioned about my will to keep this relationship together. I lost that battle.
It was like a roller coaster ride kind of a relationship. We had lots of unforgettable memories. Lots of fun and treasured moments. But they are all part of the past now. This song reminds me of those times. A happy past that I will always treasure. I hope someday we would meet again and that we would be able to talk about those times with fondness. It was that time when we both grew up to be matured people and knew when to let go.

Teardrops On My Guitar

Its actually funny when I think of my "Drew". We became friends at a very unusual circumstances. He is smart and funny. And what I love about him is that he did not give me any negative vibes. He did not push me away eventhough I know that he knows I am slowly falling in love with him. I guess he really wants to be just friends. He never took advantage of that feeling, atleast thats what I felt.

I remember, I would probably be considered a stalker during that time. Being able to know his plans. Where he will be at a particular time. Just seeing his car parked in the same spot in the parking lot makes my day. Watching him walk along the sidewalk makes my heart skip. So you could just imagine what it would do to me when we talk on the phone. We gave each other nicknames. And fondly call each other those nicknames as code. I felt like its our "thing". Our secret. One day, I invited him to watch a game.

I want that day to be special. Thinking that it would be our first and last date so on that day, I cut my hair really short. I thought it would be a new me. Hoping that he would like it. When he picked me up, I was over the moon. I thought he looked dashing in his white shirt and khaki pants. I could smell his cologne and when he smile... dimples and all! He was a total gentleman. Opening the door for me and holding my hand climbing the stairs. I did not care at all who won the game because I felt like I was the one who won having him sitting beside me. He kept brusing his hand over mine. From the game all the way to his car in the parking lot, he was holding my hands. My heart is racing, don't want to expect anything but at the back of my mind I have a candle of hope lit up. Hoping that this is the start of something good. He will only let go of my hand when he starts the car. Even while driving me home, he holds my hand. A very nice soft hands. And before I got off the car... he pulled me softly and kissed me. A long and soft kiss.

Years have passed since that first and last date... first and last kiss and so I thought. When out of the blue he invited me to a party. What I thought was the end of it all, boy was I wrong! I knew he has a girlfriend. I knew nothing will come out of this "relationship" but I still want it. I love the mystery of it all. I love the secret nicknames. I love the coyness. And so we see each other again. The strong attraction is still there, at least on my side. Before the evening ended, all my confusion comes back again. The mystery... I knew he will never be mine but I guess thats the fun part of it.

I realize that I will never forget him. That attraction he has on me is the mystery. The coyness of it all. The no commitment, no explanation and no complications. No attachments and no drama was all that attracted me to him.

Its been many years now since I saw him last. I wondered if we will meet again?

White Horse

Who could ever forget their first love? Like most of you, I also thought that my first love is my knight in shinning armor who will sweep me off my feet and carried me into his castle and live happily ever after.... wrong! He is that one person who thought that I am too young to fall in love. He said he wanted to take care and nurture me. Wait until I am mature enough to be really sure that I am ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, he couldn't wait and fell in love with someone else. Still, I followed him like a puppy dog. Too in love to realize that he is just not going to see me as young lady but a young friend who has a crush.

Eventually, I too gave up on him and met someone. My relationship was moving smoothly and slowly until he kissed me. I don't know why but I started crying. Not sure why but I told my knight what happen and it made him so mad. Hit a table with his fist. Confused, I asked him why? He thought that it was suppose to be him. He thought it would be him who will give me my first kiss. So sorry but its too late now.

After so many years, we finally met up again. Thought he still looked the same. His megawatts smile and dimples still make me weak in the knees. Do not remember the circumstances why we met up but the mood suddenly changed for me. I felt like that young girl again in love with a more mature guy. Nervous and tense we talked about the old days. Perhaps he thought that would get the tension subside. Finally, he asked me how I was. I said I was fine. Busy with school. Its just rude not to ask him how he is, so I did. His eyes suddenly looked sad. He finally said that he thinks of me a lot. In fact, he thinks of me a lot that when in a very intimate situation with a girl, he uttered my name that shocked even him. He said he wanted me. Me who he considered too young for him. Words I wanted to hear.

But I am so sorry. I am not anymore that young girl in love with her knight in shining armor. I don't believe in being sweep off my feet and carried into his castle anymore. Its too late for you and your white horse.

Speak Now!

Yes this is entitled the same as the Taylor Swift new album. I think its really appropriate to call it as such since her songs inspire me to write this blog. She said that her album is basically about speaking out! Its like in almost all weddings where the priest asks, if anyone who objects that this couple should be married... speak now or forever holds his peace!
I dont really know Taylor Swift or her life but she sounded like more adult than I imagine a 20 year olds are. Her songs are full of emotions and feelings that stir up really deep emotions from me. All the inhibitions and confusions I experienced during my younger years came up in the surface. Now I don't know what to do with them except express them and hopefully make sense specially to me.
As I listen to each songs, I realized I compare them to each relationships I had and never had. It creeps me out slightly that her words are not exactly different when I was in her situation at that time. Sometimes songs made me cry with the words she express. Don't get me wrong... not all of her songs are about breakups and heartaches. There are a few that is just happy ending and getting ready for a change.
Please bear with me as I will explain each song in my next few blogs. I have to admit, this will be my most daring blog ever... since I will be revealing relationships and feelings that I don't usually talk about to other people. And that even all my close friends don't know everything. People involved might be nervious about this but let me assure them that I will not name names. Even if I use names... it will be alias. I don't want to be sued.
Let me also clear out that not all the songs I will be blogging about is on her new album Speak Now! Most of them are from her 2 other old albums...