Saturday, January 12, 2013


2010, my mother host the annual Gonzales' Family reunion.
I wished.  And hoped.  And prayed.
But we were not able to attend.

2011, my parents' 50th wedding anniversary.
I wished. And hoped. And prayed... harder.
But we were not able to celebrate it with them.

2012, no significant event but I still..
Wished. And hoped.  And prayed.
But we still were not able to come home.

This year... 2013
I am wishing. And hoping.  And praying.
For things that I do not want to happen
So it will never really happen!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Men In The Pedestal

Behind a great man is a great woman. That’s how it goes but apparently, behind a man’s failure is also a woman.  Have you ever noticed that great men were always been toppled by a woman? In the past years, we have seen this correlation come to life before our very eyes.

Who could forget the now infamous, White House Intern Monica Lewinsky and a so called friend Linda Tripp who tediously recorder her conversation with Monica that almost cause President Clinton’s impeachment.  And yet Hilary Clinton with her grace and elegance faced the humiliation and embarrassment with head held high and came out the stronger person she is right now.  I admire her for that.

Eliot Spitzer, former Governor of New York, with a $1,000 per hour call girl named Ashey Alexandra Duprè.

John Edwards, Senator and former candidate for President, affair with a former videographer Reille Hunter.  What’s extremely sad about this story is that the wife, Elizabeth who stands by this man was diagnosed with incurable breast cancer while this scandal was unfolding.  And he denied fathering a child with Hunter not admitting it until the end.

Mr. Universe himself was not spared from this spectacle. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Terminator was terminated (hahaha…) by his wife Maria Shriver, a Kennedy at that, after an explosive news about an affair with the housekeeper and having fathered a son with her.  But in spite of that Maria Shriver stand by her man that made a lot of women admire her more.  Eventually though, I guess her patience run out too, gave up and then file for divorce.  Come to think of it now, perhaps she got tired of all the other ones he had an affair with, as per the book he’s written where he confesses all his extra marital affair to his wife which I personally think is sick.  Why would you kick a person in the gut while they are already down in the gutter?  I see him now as a pathetic individual who is selfish and unkind.  Though I love his movies (i.e., The Terminator {I guess because he doesn’t have a dialogue except for the famous “I’ll be back”}, Predator, True Lies {indeed}, and of course my favorite Eraser) it is all lies.

And just recently, a well respected CIA Director David Petraeus not so much as publicly admitted to having the affair with the biographer Paula Broadwell yet it is all over the news and sadly the cause of his resignation from a very prominent position in the government.  Yet again, his wife Holly Knowlton though furious and hurt, stands by her man.   But the big concern here now is if he passed on classified information to her during the affair that may jeopardized the national security.  This affair might have not been know if it hadn’t been for Jill Kelly who complained to the FBI of harassment from Paula Broadwell who apparently is threatened by Ms. Kelly’s presence in the life of Gen. Petraeus.

What is wrong with these stories?  Powerful men, publicly adored and respected yet they find themselves in an awkward situations.  The key word here is “power”.  They are confident they can never be caught.  They believe they can get away with everything. And they are most certainly hoped  are going to be forgiven.  But like everything else, they are wrong with that conclusion.  Well, just some of them.

So there they were, men in pedestal, now in the hall of shame.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

A Day of Celebration

As you all know, I just recently celebrated my birthday.  Back home, on a day like that, I get to have a birthday leave.  But celebration always starts on the weekend before the actual date.  My mother would cook me her special recipe called the mustard hotdog beef wrapped, my favorite of course.  My sister would cook her pansit or my sister in law would make her spaghetti with cream. Any of those, I know I would enjoy that Sunday right before my birthday celebrating with my whole family.  On the exact date though, I would imagine a wonderful plan.  Since my husband has to work that day, after he leaves for work, I would take my time eating my breakfast of coffee and pandesal with cream cheese.  Lounge around a bit before hitting the shower and off I go to  start the day with a trip at the parlor.  I will have my nails done, manicure and pedicure of course.  I will have my hair trimmed or maybe a new haircut is in order.  By the time I get done, it will be lunch time.  I will have to meet my friends for that.  Maybe a lunch out for them in Megamall or somewhere near their office will be a great place.  Chatting away during lunch could be exhausting so a movie will relax me a bit.  After a movie, shopping is next in the agenda.  This will surely take much of the time in the afternoon so while waiting for my friends to get off work, a snack at Panera Bread is perfect.  And so, the night life starts in a bar somewhere in Malate.  We would watch a live band or maybe sing our heart out at a videoke bar.  It would be in the wee hours of the morning when I would be home.

Aaahhh … a day of celebration.

But not here. On my birthday, I had to work. There is no birthday leave.  There is no weekend celebration.  And there is certainly no day in the spa.  The celebration happens a day after the actual birthday.  I had to buy Pansit Palabok and eggrolls from a Filipino store. Guests are friends whom I consider our family.  Well, this is the life I have now.  No more gallivanting to the mall in any given day.  No more leisure spa treatments, though my nails both hands and feet of course, is in desperate need of cleaning.  No more free time to do whatever I want even on a work week. 

This is the life I have now.  Get over it already!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

43 And Still Growing

I just recently celebrated my 43rd birthday (yes, you read it right) and it has come to my attention that I am not young anymore, you think? I just realized that!  With all the things going on around us, particularly me, I thought things are well but in a blink of an eye we are here at this moment.  I scarcely deny how old I am because I don’t feel that old at all.   I felt that years has gone so slowly and dragging that I don’t feel I have even aged or grown.  But as I ponder on the years, it hit me like a sack of rice in the head that time, do fly by so fast.
 I was 33 when I came to America.  Naïve but full of vigor, I thought I could do anything.  Realizing that it would take a lot of sweat and tears to survive this journey I have to take.  Sweat and tears indeed, because I have no doubt that that was what I’ve gone through during my 10 years here.  That is one thing I love about Filipinos, we are resilient and adoptive.  We can live anywhere and everywhere in a good or bad situation.  We adopt, like a chameleon.  I learned that through my years here and I am thankful to the people I’ve met along the way who made the journey easier.  Here are a few things I have come to discover and learned for the past 10 years:

1.   Not all “friends” are real. I discover that a lot of people who said that they are your friends meant nothing of the sort but they wanted to be your friend so long as they can benefit from it and get something out of it in return.  Too bad I learned that the hard way.

2.     Not all “relatives” are blood related.  Same as friends, there are so many who pretend to treat you like one but there are only few who are sincere and true.  Sometimes it is better to have a non-relative to be with rather than a blood related relative who stabs you in the back.  I have fortunately able to identify them both and happy to say that true ones have emerge the winner.

3.       In connection to number 2, you can’t choose your relatives. It is unfortunate that in a family, there will always be one who is the black sheep or a bad “apple”.  Even if the tree is as good as it gets, it does not mean that the fruits bore was as good.  Sometimes, one or two fruit is rotten.  And they are still relatives, so what can you do?

4.     Last certainly not the least, I have learned not to trust people as easily as I used to.  There are people who will just take advantage of that trust, stomp, crushed and beat you until you are lying on the floor screaming.  I have also learned my lesson here the hard way.  I am just really sorry that it had to be that way.

And so, here I am.  Forty somethin’ and still learning… growing!
Happy birthday to me.


thanks for the best gifts ever!!!

Monday, August 6, 2012

My Love Affair

I started reading romance novel at the age of 13. Nope, I did not start with Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys but went right straight to Mills & Boons. It was a great influence from my relatively big group of women cousins, not to mention my sister who is 5 yrs. older than me, who were all reading pocket books. I witness the frequent exchanges and trade ins of the books between them. The most popular back then was Mills & Boons.  I've seen the wall of bookshelves my oldest cousin have in her room where we, my lady cousins, always gather around to borrow from her. The very first book I read was by Janet Dailey. Too much drama if you ask me but I love her just the same.
Reading to me is very fascinating.  I do not know if you experience the same way I do when I read but I think its really powerful.  Because when I am reading a book, it seems to me like I am watching a movie in my mind.  I can picture the characters and the events happening just like a movie.  I specifically like the part where I can almost feel the tension, twist and turns of the story that I am a live participant. And that starts my love affair with books.
I moved on to read authors like Jude Deveraux, Judith McNaught and of course Barbara Cartland.  These writers made me love the Victorian and Edwardian centuries.  The ballgowns and corsets added to the romanticizm of that time. I loved those historical romance books.
After a while, I jumped from one author to another, getting bored with what I read.  I am looking for that adventure and romance that I found from the previous books I read. The excitement I felt reading about riding horses, attending a ball on my gown, getting invitations for an afternoon tea in the gardens and meeting the dashing Earl or Duke who will swept me off my feet.  I guess all I need is time...
I came across a certain author named Patricia Cornwell, a recommendation from a friend.  An author who ignites my curiosity for mystery, crime and action.  Then came, Stephanie Mayers, who introduced me to the world of vampires.  I know everyone must know her name by now but for me, I've only know her from the movie Twilight. I would have never read her books if it has not been for the movie.  Then again, I give her credit for it ignites my interest for vampires.
A couple of months ago, I went to a second hand bookstore to look for more books I can sink my hand into.  I am looking for new adventures and possibly a mystery.  I saw from the top bookshelves was about eight paperback books lined up together of the same author. It seems to me that it is a series of books.  Curiosity kicks in as I grab all of them thinking, this should be good or I am returning these books.
Happy with my purchase, I got home and started reading Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris.  And whoooaaa, it was great!  I was taken to a world of supernatural that I have never been before. Yes, it was about vampires and wolves like Twilight but this is INTENSE! Really ABSURD! CH, short for Charlaine Harris, is funny, witty, smart and incredibly good.  Let me tell you that I could not put the book down as soon as I started it.  She is amazing!
So now, I would like to say I am sorry to the Montgomery's, Taggert's, Earls, Dukes and Prince's I've known all those years reading but I have a new man in my life now and his name is Eric...
Eric Northman, Viking Vampire. Bwaaahaahaaahaa...

Monday, July 23, 2012

What's Up With That?

It's Been A While

Hello bloggers... I know its been a while since my last blog.  Its not that I am very busy and have no time to log in. In fact, I am often on facebook but I was just looking around and sometimes, just doing nothing waiting for something to happen... hahaha!
But I have something to tell you about this new thing I am into.  Actually its now new to me... lets just say that I am back into reading books.  And I mean... reading a lot of books.
Apparently, the reason why I stopped reading, which I love to doing by the way, is that my eyes gets soooo tired easily and I can't read softbounds anymore due to its small letters. Yes.... yes .... yes ... I know! I just needed glasses for reading. So there you go... I finally admitted to myself that I am getting old and needed reading glasses.
Now that we have that all cleared... I am going to tell you this thing that happen to me which excites me as if I am like a teenager!